AOS News – April 2015

EEwwwww!

You don’t know it yet, but this morning will be like no other morning. You stumble downstairs to your Keurig, as usual, to receive your straight shot of stimulation, raw energy in its purest form. This is the prelude to the best part of your day. You are not really a morning person, so coffee in hand, you pad out to the greenhouse in your jammies and slippers with your favorite brew to commune quietly with your orchids as you slowly wake up. You are relaxed and have a little skip in your step as you anticipate seeing your friends. You smile a little as you realize you are happier than you’ve been in a long time. You realize, finally, that you are an “Orchid Person”. The early days of lingering ‘failure to thrive’ and unknown reasons for untimely ‘ultimate death’ seem to be over. Your spouse hasn’t given you grief in a long time for money spent on plants that die the minute you touch them. You observe your lovelies and see a new spike here, a new flower there, some new growth on that one. You realize you might even be able to take a plant to share at the next meeting! You’ll get to talk about your orchid to the group and maybe win the “three month plant”! Everyone will be envious of your undefinable ability to commune with your orchids. Life is marvelous in your personal orchid heaven.

Then suddenly, you can’t breathe. You’ve seen….an unidentifiable BUG! You know all the good bugs. This is horrific! You look rapidly from plant to plant and discover to your dismay that not only is a bug chewing on one of your precious darlings, but you see something else on another plant that seems like, well, a possibly unexplained disease. Your expensive coffee sours in your mouth and you feel like, you’re going to fall down on the greenhouse floor and vomit your special caramel blend into one of the drains. You run to your greenhouse phone extension and call every orchid person you know, but their voicemail picks up as they are either night persons themselves, or as morning people, are out running or something similarly foolish. How messed up is this? You purposefully became a member of the Sonoma County Orchid Society just so you’d have instant access to people in the know when you need them. You are completely let down. What now?

In your misery, you realize the drain you’ve just thrown up in is pressing into your cheek. It is cold and hard and is no doubt leaving an unexplainable mark on your face that will cause you unending problems when you get to work later; if indeed you are able to drive to work today given this tragic turn of events. As you lie pathetically whimpering on the cold concrete, somewhere in the dark recesses of your mind, that place you go when everything is collapsing, you recognize a virtual spark of illumination. You remember something. What is it? Something about a website. Then you remember! You remember someone droning on at the last meeting about the American Orchid Society website having a section devoted to bugs and diseases. You know you’ve been meaning to join the AOS for-EVER. It figures now that you need information so desperately you’re still not a member. But wait, didn’t that speaker say something about this particular information being free? To everyone? Even non-members?! http://www.aos.org/Default.aspx?id=117 (Use the control key and click on the link).

You get up off the floor, make another cup of special coffee and realize as you research your problem, no one need know of your pathetic collapse in the safety and security of your greenhouse. The orchids won’t tell anyone, will they?

Finally, don’t forget to check out the AOS awards for March, by going to http://www.csnjc.org/.